myhollydays

A glimpse into the world of the handicapable.

What was I so worried about?

Caiden is a little over 5 months now.  He is so happy, just smiles all the time.  He is also just a laid back kid, nothing seems to faze him too much.  He is a social little bug!

Since the summer began (2 weeks ago!), I get to stay home with Caiden and just hang out with him.  I LOVE being at home with him.  I get to see him try to crawl, give me the MOST DRAMATIC frowns, and give me the happiest squeals and giggles.  I am also VERY protective of him.

I think the reasoning is that, well, first off, I’m a mommy.  Secondly, I feared (okay, I admit, I still fear) what others would say or think of him having a mommy in a wheelchair.  I get the vibe at times that some people are not too pleased that I made a conscious choice to get pregnant.  I could have “spread” my disability to him, or made his life harder than it needs to be.  WELL…to be honest…who’s life is NOT hard?  Seriously…!

However, the thought still stays in my head.  I keep thinking…well, I grew up like this (you know…not walking) and I’m used to the stares, the nervous smiles and the “OH @#*&$ how am I supposed to handle this situation” looks.  Chris (the hubby) married me knowing he would have to deal with the above types of people.  He is used to it.   I am quite in awe of how brave and self-confident he is about the whole situation.  It never bothered him, even when others were worried for him.

BUT…I brought a baby into the equation.  Caiden wasn’t really born into it (not really), and he didn’t choose this lifestyle or his mommy.  So, I fretted (as any normal mommy would do) about how others would treat him, what other people would say to him, or how others would treat me when he’s around.  I know I can do anything I set my mind to.  If you give me a challenge, or just tell me I can’t…well, I will do anything in my power to prove you wrong…and then some.  Still, you have people out there who do not know me well, and will still try to limit me.  Not really on purpose, but trying to be the good Samaritan, or trying to “help”.  It’s condescending.  Plain and simple.  I do not need to be taken care of and I usually don’t need assistance…unless I specifically ask.  =)  I don’t want Caiden exposed to that type of mindset.

Yesterday, for the first time ever…Caiden and I went out to a place that wasn’t with my husband or family members.  I took Caiden to the store.  Just me and Caiden.  I was so nervous and scared.  I wasn’t nervous because of the transferring in and out of the car, or being able to carry him around, that’s EASY PEASY!  It was how I thought people were going to react.  I thought people might stare at me or at Caiden and judge us. I thought people would be rude, or disrespectful.

I got out of my car, put Caiden in his front carrier and we rolled in to the store.  This is the store that Chris, Caiden and I usually go to every week.  It was so intimidating at first.  But everyone cooed and smiled and played with Caiden and greeted me in such a respectful manner.  The employees were so nice and friendly.  The customers were hilarious.  Chris was right…they weren’t judging, they weren’t disgusted.  They wanted to help.  They wanted to see what they could do to make things easier.  Why was I so worried?  I forgot, most of this world is actually…good.  =)

God knew what he was doing when he gave me Caiden.  We are a perfect match.

So, that’s one fear confronted….so many more to go.  But you know what?  I’ve got time.  =0)

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10 thoughts on “What was I so worried about?

  1. Beautiful, Holly! The thought never crossed my mind that you couldn’t be a great mom to Caiden! Yes, you two are a perfect match.

    • Thank you Galen!!! I know that the people that know me would never think that. =) It’s always people that I don’t know that I worry about…and I’ve learned that I shouldn’t…actually, I shouldn’t even care what other people think, right?! Thanks for your kind words, you are always a good friend!

  2. You’re so right Holly—-people who know you would never under estimate your ability to be the perfect Mom. You’re such an awesome lady and we all love and adore you!

  3. Amanda on said:

    If people are going to confront you or judge you, you might consider rolling over their toes.

  4. Holly – welcome back – I have missed your posts! Good mothers are those women who share their heart and soul with a child ~ an unselfish move that touches the world. Legs or no legs, 10 fingers, or 2 fingers..these are not the things that make a mom great. It is her heart and soul ~ and that also makes for the perfect connection that you feel with your Caiden. You are an amazing woman, wife, mother with a heart and soul that really touches so many. Caiden and Chris are lucky men. Me thinks that one day Caiden will feel sorry for kids whose moms walk~~cuz THEIR moms don’t have a cool mom with a chair!

  5. Your baby is so cute

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